The journey of a Lifetime

I lost some of you

2011-06-21T13:51:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone,

I lost some of you as my followers! please join me at http://www.mobe0623.blogspot.com/ There is so many wonderful things going on! I will need all the support i can get!

I have moved

2011-02-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

Not sure if anyone is still following me but i am really trying to build up myself to get back into blogging.

I am leaving this blog and starting fresh....

http://www.mobe0623.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you all there....

Happy Birthday Angels!

2010-10-14T20:11:00.001-07:00

Wyatt Kingsley and Madyson LaBelle would be 6 years old today. Rest in peace my angels, mommy and daddy love you!

Amazing

2010-10-11T10:09:00.001-07:00

Psalm 71:20-21Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

How powerful is that statement! Over the weekend I soul searched and have decided that I really want to involve myself in creating a place where women and men can talk to other people that are going through the same thing. Infertility, loss of child, pregancy or infant, meanwhile finding strength and encoargement through each other and the awesome word of GOD!

I know that infertility is not something that I am very experienced in… (I stopped after 2 cycles of clomid) but what I am hoping is that through the “RESOLVE” program I will be able to help establish a local group for Denver.

The loss aspect I have been in, deeply envolved, I wish I was never brought into that club. I am here and I will never be able to get out. Why go it alone? If I can touch just one life, one time it will all be worth it.

This is the week that we remember our twins, I am tired of remembering in silence! I want to shout to the world that my Angels, Wyatt and Madyson would have been 6 years old this Thursday! I should be planning their 6th birthday parties. Yes it has been 6 years but every year on their birthday (the 14th) my heart breaks just a little as I remember their tiny faces, hands and feet that I will never again be able to hold, tickle, and kiss. How wonderful would it be to be able to share that with another mom who knows just how I am feeling.

This week I ask you all that have babies, to hold them a little tighter, tell them how much you love them (even if they don’t understand)
For those of you that are struggling with infertility I will continue to pray for your journey to parenthood. I will pray that the lord will give you strength and determination, and the guidance to build your family the way it was meant to be.

Very Short Post but a good one

2010-10-03T07:03:00.000-07:00

WE GOT A HOUSE!!!!!! MOVE IN DATE DECEMBER WHOO HOOO ANSWERED PRRAYERS... I WILL POST THAT STORY LATER

A little insight

2010-09-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

Begin today! No matter how feeble the light let it shine as bet it may. The world may need just that quality of light which you have.

I found this saying on a sisters desk calander that my sis got me for Christmas this last year. While some people may see that it means nothing except be yourself. I am looking a little deeper into it, bringing it into infertility. I can see it meaing 2 things, hope and help.

Here is the hope aspect- No matter how feeble the light let it shine. Even if you have just a small sliver of hope left let it shine, and it will grow! I know that when our hopes and dreams are crushed it is hard to stand back up but we always do because we are meant to be moms, I think of this as a way to prepare myself for the challenges of motherhood. Remember what your teachers and parents always said… If at first you don’t succeed… try try again. Right.. I know that there is a lot more that goes into infertility and I know that it is easier said then done to pick up the pieces after a failed IVF, IUI, clomid cycle or even a failed adoption…( I may not have been in those exact shoes persay but I have many friends that have while I will never truly understand I can respect the feelings) after 10 cycles of trying to have Baby #2 and 1 failed clomid cycle.. knowing that we will go no further then medication- no IUI, no IVF I have a hard time keeping my hope as well, but what hope I do have I let shine! (most of the time)

2nd Aspect Help- When I was 6 years old my mom married a man who was very abusive, when I was older and trying to challenge God asking him “WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!” While I know that God himself did not allow this, he gave me the strength to get through it. While it has taken me many years to understand that I was put in that position to help other people who are dealing with that situation. I volunteer at a women and children center, where we help women and their children get out of abusive situtions. It helps me deal with it “The world may need just that quality of light which you have.” So reading and commenting on each others blogs, and hoping and praying right along with you that is the light that we all need to get through our everyday struggles.

I guess what I am getting at is that the things that we deal with today will help us get through tomorrow.

PTSD

2010-09-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

A really serious post all though in time it will end with good news.

PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death.

My husband is suffering from this, mainly from his time spent in combat zones, it has put a big time mountain in our path to happiness, while I will stand behind him and help him climb the mountain when he doesn’t feel like he has the strength. It is a battle that he will have to battle mainly alone but the support aspect I will be there for him.

https://health.google.com/health/ref/Post-traumatic+stress+disorder

This is a link to information on PTSD.

Finding Myself.... Day 1

2010-09-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

This week while at church Pastor Chuck was talking about improving your relationship with God through exercise, while I know that he meant that we should improve our relationship with God through spirtual exercise. What about finding away to improve physical health and Spirtual health at the same time. Finding away to get physically fit makes you happy, and when you are happy you are more then likly happier with life in general, and that is the time to really focus on strengthing your relationship with God. Although are the really connected? Do you think that being physically fit improves happiness to a degree? My thoughts are that yes, I am happier when I feel physically fit, here is why: I have higher self-confidnce, I am not nearly as tired all the time, when I am tired I find reasons to not do what I love. I have more energy, and I am not so down on myself, so yes I do believe that some of my spirtual journey can be improved by being physically fit.

As I have gone back to look at my blog over the last few months I have noticed a lot of negative posts, and negative feelings. I am out to change that! I want to be able to express how I am feeling but I also want to have a place I can go and be happy as well.

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy

I am starting to realize by making small changes in my lifestyle, I may infact be able to find what I have been longing for. Happiness…

While dealing with my desire to have another baby, I have to learn to become more content about where I am now. There is no way that I can speed up time and no way that I will be guarnteed a 2nd baby. I look at Ethan everyday and I am filled with wonder and amazement and I wonder what he will truly think about having a brother or a sister. With that I wonder should I be using medical intervention (clomid). It is the questions like this that I have been struggling with.

I am hoping to journel on here daily for the next 30 days.. kinda like my own personal 30 day challenge. 30 days and 30 posts… About my self finding journey, and my road to physical and spirtual happiness…

I will need a lot of support and encoargement! So please keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

Ethan and His Blanket

2010-09-19T10:34:00.001-07:00

Ethan and his blanket sounds like a childrens story book something that I am thinking about writing for him as a memory book for when he is older.

This blanket nothing special just a blanket that I got at my baby shower. It is made by chicco and it is blue camo (i love it) any way. We have been using it since he was a newborn it was always the blanket that went with us everywhere. It was perfect because it would keep him covered while in the carseat and keep the sun off him and then keep him warmer when in air conditioned places. When ethan hit 6 months old that is when we realized the love affair he had with the blanket, when he was upset you could give him the blanket and he was all better, when he went to bed he cuddled with the blanket. Now that is almost 15 months old it is amazing to see how much attached he is to that blanket, we have to trick him in order to wash it and if we forget the blanket when we go to daycare we almost always have to go back home and get it.

IDEAS NEEDED

2010-09-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone! I really really need Ideas! I need to raise $2000.00 super fast! My BFF her hubby just lost his job and they have a brand new baby (13 days old) PLEASE I need quick ideas! This money will be used to get them out of Arizona and into Colorado where they will be able to get jobs and a safe place to live etc! Please Please Any ideas would be great!

Thoughtful Thursdays

2010-09-16T19:24:00.000-07:00

Thoughtful Thursdays is a time when I can reflect on the week and anything that I want to... This is a time to be happy, to be sad, to be angry, and most of all a place to reflect on my faith.

This week is a a bit of a mess because I have had such happy moments and such sad moments... 1st of all the end of last week was tough because everything at work was a mess! Big time, I got into a huge arguement that involved pretty much all of the managers and one of them pretty much said he did not trust me... I have not done anything to deserve that, I believe that he is sexist here is why, we should have dispatched call A before call B and call C, my dispatch partner we will call him RT anyway, we both had the oppurtunity to dispatch call A well we didnt... instead of "blamming" both of us this particular manager put it all on my shoulders. Which was very upsetting because RT was just as in the wrong as I was... Well everything just went to hell from there. It is over and for the most everyone is back to normal. That one manager that pretty much started all this has not spoken to me at all it makes things a little uncomfortable but I will survive.

I thank God every day that I have a job that I can depend on and know that I will have a paycheck at the end of every week. If nothing else goes right in the week at least I know that the money will be in the bank on friday and I will be able to take care care of Ethan.

My BFF is struggling with her own battles her son is a week old and an amazing little boy her DH just lost his job and she has not worked since she was about 4 months preg. so they are struggling, I wish so much that I could help them, all I can do is pray that Gods will will be done within them.

I will leave this post with this...

Love never fails

Break

2010-09-15T07:50:00.001-07:00

Decided not to take the Clomid this month.... Hubby and I are just struggling with the choice on what to do. I am stressed out and beyond tired. I had no idea that it would be so stressful to actually try for a second baby. I am trying to just let go so that maybe i will not be so stressed out about having a second baby.

Ethan is growoing up so fast, this past weekend we spent the weekend celbrating Trappers Day with Family, this included a pancake breakfast, a parade and BBQ chicken Yummy! The parade was great it was a small town parade nothing elaborate but I loved every minute of it. I used to ride horses in that parade so it was neat to be able to share that with Ethan. After the Parade Ethan went to grandmas for a nap and Grandpa and I hit the festival (not real big but it had typical festival food) I visisted with grandma and grandpa Hake. Grandma Hake made a train blanket for Ethan and it sits proudly in his crib.

Saturday night Ethan got to play with his cozy coupe I realized how much he is growing...

wordless wednesday!

2010-09-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

A day of Days

2010-09-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

Trying to get pregnant is tasking on the body and on the mind, I am not sure that I am able to emotionally handle the stress that I am putting myself through, I know in my heart of hearts I am so devoted to truly expanding our family, but not having the support group with my family kills me. I cant share things with my mom because she is not supportive of another baby, trying to think about why she does not support it I wonder, why. I cannot answer that. Why does she not support our choice to expand our family. Why do I even care what she thinks, I think about the holidays and if they (mom and dad) will be able to afford another baby to buy for then I think the holidays are not all about the gifts but how do I instill that into my children (another post for later). Does she not want me to have another one because she desperatly wanted another baby before her and my biological dad split, does she regret the abortion that she had when she found out she was pregnant when I was a few months old? Trying to find out the reasons why make me wonder. I love my mom more then anything she is my rock. I love her so much! I want to be able to tell my sister but I dont want it to get back to my mom so I dont say anything, my only outlet is this blog... Well and my BFF but she just had a baby and has more important things to do then listen to me.

One thing I have noticed is I hardly ever post on here when I am happy, that is going to change I hope, I truely hope to build my followers and find a support group through blogging that I have seen and tried so hard to be a part of.

TTC #2 with Cycle #1 with clomid

2010-08-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Cycle one with Clomid- so far the only thing I can say is I have had killer headaches! My head is killing me. I have the Ultrasound on Friday, to find out if it is helping. I am emotionally a wreck right now, I give you ladies credit for going through this time and time again. I am really struggling and I am not sure why. I have a handsome little boy right in front of me. Yet, this uncontrolable drive for a second baby is driving me insane. I did not know that it would be so hard, I told myself when we started to ttc #2 that I would not let it consume my every thought, while it is not everythought it is pretty damn close.

In other news Ethan has started to walk I caught it on video the other day and I will post that soon.

Misti, my BFF is going to be having her little one any day, and while I am beyond excited for her my heart breaks because I am trying so hard to have that moment again. I will be flying to Phoenix when she has the baby so that I can help her out a little. I am so excited to see her and Baby Zane!

Confusion

2010-08-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Well today is going to be day 3 of the meds, I am not sure if it is going to work or not, although I have not been having any horrible side effects. So I wonder if I will be pregnant by the end of the month? Could I be? I mean that only happens in perfect stories right? Lets talk about this for a minute. Why do I have this ache in my heart telling me that it really is not meant to be and that I will not have a 2nd baby? Now please do not get me wrong, I am 100% in love with my son, and I am 100% greatful that he is here with us. I just cannot explain the drive that I am feeling to have one more baby. Will the drive stop after the next one or will I be tormented with this ache to have a third?
The other thing that is really bugging me is the agreement that I made to my hubby, after this baby I will be getting my tubes tied and he will be getting a vasectomy. Am I really ready for this at 27, I mean this is a really big choice, and I do not know if that is something that I am ready to commit to. Although I do understand that if we did have 3 children we would not be in a finacially stable position. If we had perfect credit scores and made 100K a year then I would be like lets have as many kids as god wants us too. Here is what I have an issue with is stopping what God has instore for us, if I get my tubes tied and then god wanted us to have a third baby how will that change destiny?

Changing destiny is it even possible for destiny to change? How do we really know what gods plans are for us? How far will we go to achieve another pregnancy? What is our true limit? Is adoption in our future? Do we even want to jump head first into this or just go with what God is telling us too… What is he really saying?

So I guess today I am just a bit confused as to where I (we) want to be. I find so much strength in everyones blogs.

Update

2010-08-12T12:20:00.001-07:00

Well the doc called today and I finally got my day 24 blood work back it shows my progestrone was at 7.5 at should have been over 16. With this information and what he has seen he said secondary infertility is what we are dealing with… So DH and I have decided that we will work clomid for 3-6 months and if it does not happen then it is not meant to be.

So the plan is to add clomid day 3-7. Ultrasound day 14. From there I don’t have anything more.

Not what we expected...

2010-07-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

Well we went to the doctor, thinking that he would tell us that we would be able to have another baby and everything is ok. Well we got the total opposite. I have had a slight rash in the nether region over the last couple of weeks did not think anything about just figured I was a little irritated from a soap change. Well doc decided to do an internal exam and come to find out I have a severe infection that may or may not be cancerous, he is sending out some cultures to get tested and we will have results in soon. (next week) I have been so worried and scared...

On the baby front he said that if this comes back ok (just an infection) we can start trying again as early as next month... More details to come on this later...

SO nervous

2010-07-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well tomorrow is the day that I will go into the doc and hopefully get some answers, I am not sure what those answers will be but I would like to hope that they will be better then what I feel. I wonder if it is because we are just trying to hard or maybe it is about a time line that we have given ourselves. I dont know but I just want this so bad, but then again i think about it and I get really scared that I wont be able to handle it. What will happen in the future is this really worth it. I see both sides but this ache in my heart I hope is leading me the right way...

Ear Infection, Reflection and Update

2010-07-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

Lack of sleep has me wishing for a bed of clouds and the smell of roses! Let me tell ya Ethan has a double ear infection, all he can do right now is cry. I feel horrible that he feels so yucky, he has had quite a few ear infections, but the docs don’t want to out tubes in which is good but I still feel horrible when he is not feeling well.

This leads me into something that I struggle with daily… Working Full time when I really want to stay at home and raise my son. (and hopefully a brother or sister) Everyday I wake up to the Beep Beep Beep of the alarm and I think to myself how wonderful it would be to get the baby and bring him in bed with us and cuddle while we go back to sleep. I then realize that I can not do that I have to get up and get ready for work. It breaks my heart on the days that he goes to daycare all day I have to wake him up in order for him to go to Miss Denise, he always holds onto me so tight! We have to pull him off of me as I walk out the door to work..I let tears fall everytime while he is crying for me. I should be the one to comfort him. To love him and never leave him. While I understand that working is essential for our family to survive right now, I would much rather go with out somethings to be with him. I find myself daydreaming and talking about him all the time at work, everyones know where he is at with his milestones and everyone loves him. So while working has its pros it has it cons as well.

Essentially I have two full time jobs my actual paid job and then the best job in the world being a mom. While I struggle to find a balance, I feel that I am doing what is best but it still hurts when I want to be with him.

Update on Fertility Stuff- I know nothing more then I did a few days ago. The nurse at the docs office called to tell me that I was not pregnant, even after I called and let them know that I had indeed started my peri.od. I was at work when I got the call so I was not even able to really take the call I was kinda rude, but I was a little irritated to say the least (I should not have been but I was).

So as I start this journey I am learning one thing… hurry up and wait!. Anyway, Thanks for reading and I will be reading and commenting I just joined ICLW WHHOOO HOOOO

I am starting to truly understand

2010-07-20T12:25:00.000-07:00

Well here goes I am entering the world of secondary infertility. Spoke with my OB this last week after having amelt down in his office about being over a week late and getting a negative test result. I was so heart broken, unknown to the rest of you we have been silently trying since January, with no such luck. I know that I should be greatful that I have a happy healthy 1 year old son, but the ache for that second child is something that is just not fading, I keep telling myself that I should just be happy that Ethan is here and that no matter what I will always have him to call me mom, but I want to experience this all one more time. I want the excitement of a new pregnancy, I want the growing belly, I want to feel the baby kicking inside, YES I want to experience labor again. I am scheduled for an infertility consult next week on Wednesday, I would really love some extra support right now! I am scared of what he may say...

No time to do much of anything!

2010-07-11T07:50:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever said that having a 1 year old is easy! OMG he is into everything! I cant get anything done unless he is a sleep and let me tell ya I love it when he sleeps, because it is actually QUIET! Ethan new favorite thing is to scream at the top of his lungs just because he can. What makes it hard is that Scott sleeps during the day because he works nights so trying to keep ethan quiet is pretty big challenge.

Ethan is so close to walking and yet he is so far from it to. I dont know if that makes since but he will be walking before to long. I have been getting a little worries lately that he doesnt really seem to "talk" he only says dadadada but I am not sure if he really knows what it means. I am a little concerned, I am trying to determine if it would be worth it to make an appointment with the doc or just let it be for a little while. ( any advice would be greatly appreciated).

As far as the TTC goes I dont think that it will happen this cycle. ( we were so busy with other things that we just didnt have time to work on it.) I was ovulating over the 4th of July weekend, and we bd only once so I doubt that it will happen.

OH and i have been bitten by the Twilight bug! ( how embarrasing) I am in the process of reading the first book and I already saw the 3rd movie ( i was drug by my niece and cousin) so I want to catch up, so i will read all the books and then go see the last movie when it comes out.

I am also already starting to think of Christmas, I dont know what is bout July but every year it seems that in July, I start my list, I start price shopping and I start putting thins on law-way (sears has it now I am so excited) anyway this year I am hoping that it will be a big year for my parents they have done so much for Scott and I, we are working on getting them a new TV. i am going to go and pick one out this weekend with Scott and get it on lay-way hopefully I can talk my sis into getting them the entertainment center that they want I think it would be such a great gift. Well anyway have a good weekend look forward to reading and keeping up with all of you

Traveling and my 100th Post!

2010-06-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have finally made it! To 100 posts! What an amazing accomplishment for me anyway.

I never thought that getting ready for vaction would be so stressful. I used to be able to wait for the night before and then pack and be ready to leave the next day bright and early. Now that is not the case. I am sitting here at work wondering why oh why did I agree to go fishing for a week with a one year old. I know that there will be more to our trip then just fishing but I am sure that fishing will be most of it.

Questions that have yet to be answered… Do carseats fly free- is that considered a 1 of two authorized free bags or is that something extra that airline allows you to have because it is essential that you have one? To take the big stroller or the little stroller? Do I take the big stroller for comfort of the baby or do I take the umbrella stroller for ease of us? What will the airline do with the stroller if we do take the big one? Will they end up charging us extra later for the bigger stoller or will it just be okay to take the big one?
Now the battle of getting through security, remembering to declare that I am infact carrying milk on board the airplane! OMG what a crime. (lol) having to take shoes and belts off and managing to carry and squirmy 1 year old through the metal detector that will probably end up scaring the daylights out of him any way. Now the tram ride to the terminal and a god awful wait to get on the plane.. do I take toys with us onto the plane or do I just take quiet books. Do I give in and take a pacifier with us to help during take off and landing to help his ears (mind you he has not had a paci in over 3 months) Okay now we are on the plane and he wants to play… He wants to crawl he wants to get down and play but he cant now he is screaming (this is my worst fear) people are getting angry and there is nothing I can do.

~ The actual happenings of the flight will be posted soon~

Just wanted to send a BIG thank you!

2010-06-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

THank you to my wonderful followers! I have 10 now I am moving up I am so excited!!!!!

Onto other news... This was a negative cycle AF came to visit today... I was very sad but I know that we are in the process and it will happen eventually.

Reflection on life in general

2010-06-04T16:34:00.001-07:00

This is what I really dont understand, what is the drive to be popular, why is it that people think that you have to be this gorgeous piece of eye candy to be popular? I just dont get it. What is even more mind boggling is the fact that it is things like that, which effect me more then anything... Ecspecially with the the losing weight thing, this has not been easy for me and here I see the ladies at work are skinny and look good and here I am hiding behind sweatshirts and baggy t-shirts, I have never bene comfortable in my own body even when I was younger, I look back now and I am like DAMN I was hot had I only known that then. Where am i going with this I am not even sure...

Blog Makeover !!!!

2010-06-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

http://ngowhitcombfamily.blogspot.com/2010/06/blog-makeover-giveaway.html#comment-form

Here is the link to an AWSOME blog Makeover check it out!!!

Ethan's 1 Year Professional Pictures

2010-06-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

There are plenty more where these came from all though these are my favorites!

first mobile post

2010-06-01T14:25:00.001-07:00

i guess if i get really really bored through out my day at work i can at least blog. not sure how to post pictures or anything but i will figure it out sometime....

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Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

2010-05-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=63546&id=1378884144&l=322482d501

This is the link to our un and exciting trip to the ZOO! I love hanging out with my little Ethan!

We officially have 20 days until we are on a plane and on our way for vacation! The next 3 weeks are going to go by so so slow!

Ethan will be one in 23 days! I can not believe how fast the last year has gone by! I will be working on his one year slide show over the next couple of weeks so I will be able to post that soon YEAH!

Onto other news... I have been very very tired lately, who knows what that means! The TTC ront is not something that we really want any of our families to know about just because I am not sure how my mom will handle it, she doesnt think that we should have another baby, she says that it will be too hard, Me on the other hand cant wait! I know that she will love the new baby when he or she is here it will just take a little while to warm up to the idea when it happens.

TTC Cycle #1

2010-05-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well here we go again.... TTC Lets see if we can have a 02/2011 baby!

Vacation Count Down!

2010-05-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

23 days!!!! WHOO HOOO SO excited to be gong on a real vacation this year! It will be so so much fun. We are flying into St. Paul MN on saturday then going to check out the Mall of America! Sunday we will drive to Waterville to meet up with Grandpa and Uncle Gary, it will be so mcuh fun! They have not seen Ethan since last August when he was about 3 months old!

Happy 11 Months

2010-05-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

A couple days late but we have been so busy!

Ethan is officially 11 months old! I cannot believe how fast the year has flown by in less then 30 days I will be celebrating the day that changed my life forever. The birth of my first born, :)

In celebration of this remarkable day we spent the day outside hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa, Grandpa surprised you with your very own pool! You were so excited all though the water was a little cold at first until mommy brought 10 pitchers of hot water and added it to the cold water then it was perfect!

You are almost walking but not quite there yet although you are getting braver and are starting to go from toy to toy while standing. You are pretty much on regular food all the time and very rarely do you eat baby food. You are amazing in everyway and I love you so so much!

Sleep

2010-05-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

Sleep is the best thing in the world, something I enjoy a time to myself a time to relax, a time to rejuvinate. Guess what... I cant sleep! Scott is working overnight shifts right now and for the last week it has been impossible to sleep knowing that he is not here with me... GRR. So here it 1120pm and I am wide awake! Baby is sleeping, the only thing on TV right now are infomercials (can you say boring)

So I figured I would send a shout out to the all the wonderful blogs that I read, letting each one of them know that I am praying so hard for you, some of you are struggling, with fostering troubled little ones, some just had embryos transferred and are in the dreaded 2ww period and others are still in limbo. I cannot say that I know where you are as far infertility treatments, because I got lucky and was able to concieve naturally after 6 years of trying.. I do know that where you are in wanting a baby I was there and many times had the hopes and dreams taken out of my arms.

Not trying to get all sad and become a debbie downer, but I have been thinking of the Twins a lot, Wyatt and Maddy I miss them so much, I wish they were here... I guess I am thinking of them because as we are reaching the one year mark with Ethan I wonder, what it would be like if I would have carried the twins to term, I would never have had my little Effie Beefy. I would have two 5 year olds running around right now. I am not sure that Scott and I would still be together to be honest, I think that God knew that it was not the right time, and while I miss them greatly and I cant wait to see them again someday, I am grateful at the same time that they did not have to go through any emotional pain while Scott and I were struggling emotionally in our marriage. I am trying to slow down time it is going by so fast. I want it to slow down so that I can enjoy it a little more.

I am off for now, for you ladies that are praying for babies I am praying for you too...

I had the most amazing Mothers Day

2010-05-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

Even though I did not get presents/flowers or anything special it was still the most amazing day. I was able to love and cuddle my little guy! He is so amazing.

We were also able to get some great pictures

Long needed Update...

2010-05-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

Even though I have not been posting I have been reading and commenting!

Okay lets see the last time I posted I think was around Easter and Ethan's 1st Haircut. Alot has happened since then...

1st, hubby lost his job, thats right fired! GRRR I was so upset, and scared how would we ever make it through. Well hubby was ablee to land a job in less then 72 hours from the time that he was laid off. GOOD JOB love. It is a $.70(cent) pay cut hourly, plus he will not be able to keep his two part time jobs so all in all we will be losing about $800.00 bucks a month! But I think that we will be okay. I have been supporting us on my income alone and we have only had to take about $300 bucks from savings. I am proud of us for that.

2nd, Ethan is everywhere! He is crawling and into everything, I have been dealing with a little bit of baby fever, I really want a 2nd baby but then I think what would it take away from Ethan, would he still feel loved, would we be able to give him what he deserves? He is such a miracle would a 2nd baby feel loved. Would hubby love the 2nd child because he is so againist having another one? All questions that have been haunting me over the last few weeks. I keep thinking lets just wait until Ethan is about 3 then stop protecting... but who knows what will happen.

3rd My mom is having troubles of her own, She was the Manager of a Cafetetria at the primary school in the town I grew up in, well one of the ladies there started giving her ALOT of trouble and my mom transferred back to the High School to be a regular worker which means that she is on her feet alot and she has been hurting and saying that she does not want to go back next year, I pray that something comes along for her.

Thats about it... I think... So all in all I have been super busy and super stressed. There is more but I am not ready to go into it yet... Well Love ya all

1st Haircut

2010-04-09T19:22:00.001-07:00

It's official Ethan has had his 1st haircut. Over Easter weekend we spent the weekend with my family and my Sister Char cut Ethan's hair for me he did so great!!!!

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone,

Today we gove praise for he has died for us! Today is Easter a day to remember the sacrifice that he gave for us.

It is amazing that so many people oppose/disagree with the christian views on life but yet they celebrate the holiday! Can you say hypocryte! I am totally fine with people having there own values religion and opinions but really dont you think that if you are going to disagree with the christian faith that you should not celebrate the holiday?

Okay anyway onto other way more important things like ETHAN! He is offically mobile now. He is into everything, and he loves it! He is not really eating baby food anymore, although in a pinch I give it to him. When there is nothing healthier available.

Today we will hit another milestones in Ethans life, His first haircut! My wonderful Sis Char wll be cutting his hair, as he goes from shaggy to sheek I will be taking tons of pictures. He is such an amazing little boy I think that I say that everytime I post. He woke up not feeling so great this morning and we had a pretty rough night, it has been a couple of weeks since he has been sick so a good head cold is due about now... I am not sure if it is my lack of immune system that I passed down to him, I hope that is not the case because up until a few years ago I was sick all the time.

Okay on to the TTC front, yup its gonna happen! I am very excited. We will see how it goes. We are going to oficially start in June so that means the IUD is out in two months thank goodness. Okay well Ethan is away so I gotta go Love ya all

A much needed update

2010-03-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogger world!

I am here and I am still reading and loving all the blogs I just wish I could get some more people to read my blog..... I always get so jealous isnt that crazy jealous over internet friends! HAHA

Well anyway here are some updated pictures of Ethan, He is doing so good. He loves going to the park and playing in the swings. He is so active and is so close to crawling. I will try an post the video eventually. We have our 9 month appointment next week on Thursday. I will be talking to the doc about a few things: Starting peanut on whole milk just as something to put in his sippy cup which he loves! What about his words and pointing and recognizing items should he be doing these things? Is he healthy, what about his ear infections does he need tubes? (please no) I think that is about it... I am sure between now and then I will think of more.

I am going to be going to the OB here in the next week or two to talk about my other options for BC I am not happy with the IUD and I would like to find out what other options that I have, i know that there are not many because of my MTHFR but I still want to see what my options are .

8 Months old

2010-02-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Healthy and amazingly wonderful in every way. Ethan is getting so big so fast. I want him to just slow down. Even though he is still not crawling, he wants to be into everything and do everything with you. I am sure that he will be crawling soon. I never realized how much you could love one child. I wonder if I ever do get to have another LO will I love them just as much or will I run out of love, will Ethan be happy as he is now? Things to ponder.

Ethan weighs in at a hefty 16.8 lbs and is about 29 inches long... (just a little guy) he is the 8th percentile for his weight, even though he eats everything in sight. So happy 8 months my little guy happy 8 months...

Baby making central

2010-02-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

Congrats to Will and Jess on your pregnancy! You will be so blessed!

Happy Birthday Cole Michael

2010-02-13T21:09:00.000-08:00

Cole is officially 12 years old! He is by far the best Step Son that I could have ever asked for. He is such a great kid... He is at the age where he is starting to notice the girls and he is actually going on his first date in a couple of weeks. He is so excited, he is going to the dance at school with his "girlfriend" Mara. I will be sure to post pictures. Cole had baseball tryouts today so we did not get to see him but we saw him last night at his basketball game and we will see him again tomorrow at his other basketball game. :) Well Happy Birthday Cole We love you!

Blogger Friends?

2010-02-10T10:05:00.001-08:00

How do you get blogger friends? I really want some it is so lonely in blogger world. I always see these cool blogger awards, and comments and then I look on mine and nothing... I guess I am having a pity party for myself but it has me very sad....

A picture is worth a thousand words!

2010-01-25T18:39:00.001-08:00

are you serious your 7 months old already!

2010-01-23T07:44:00.001-08:00

OMG he is officially 7 months old today! He is so amazing and he is growing so much, over the last few days he has gotten his 2 bottom teeth they came in at the same time. We are going out to celebrate today I will write some more later... love ya all

OH NO

2010-01-18T07:56:00.000-08:00

Asthma, YUP thats what I said Asthma the doc said that Ethan has it! Although he will not offically diagnose it until he is 3 (he could out grow it) We will be starting a treatment plan this week. This explains why he is always so tired and it is because he does not sleep real well and never through the night because he wakes himself up because he can not breathe. A sigh of relief knowing that we at least know now and can work on treating it.

Other then that things are great... I am working today which sucks all though I am going to take off at 1 today and pick up Cole so that he can spend some time with us tonight.

Scott and I had a long talk on Saturday night about our marriage and I think that we are both committed to getting through everything! I told him finally that I was so frusterated with his anger issues and that I needed him to work on it and he told me that he was tired of all the little things that irritate him. So all in all it was a very productive disscussion and it seems to have chilled him out at least a little.

Anyway, all things considered life is pretty damn good right now.

We are all settled in to the new apartment and I love the fact that E has his own room, It is so nice to be able to put him to bed and shut the door and know that we can clean up or watch a movie without distrubing him. OH and Friday night I got a new couch! I LOVE IT! it has recliners on both ends and it is so sticnkin comfy!

It also looks like I will be getting a WII in a few weeks I have been contemplating getting on and I finally decided that I wanted it. If i dont use it or end up not liking it I can always sell it ! Anyway I shoudl go back to work...

Love ya

Preggers!!!!

2010-01-14T21:39:00.000-08:00

HAHA Made ya look! No I am not expecting again, any hopes of that at this point are vanished! We could not give another baby the life that they deserve so for now We will stick with Baby Ethan. Any who my friend Misty is PREGGERS with her first baby! she is 7.5 weeks and due at the end of august! She lives in Arizona way too far away i wish that she lived here so that I could helo her when the baby comes. Anyway I love her to death and I wish her the best I will help her the best I can.

Happy and Healthy 9 months Misty Love Ya

Hidden Blessings

2010-01-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

So today I was shocked when I found out that Kiddie Kandids suddendly shut there doors. I used to be a mananger there and had I still been working there I would be out of a job, they are not even giving anyone any severance pay. I wonder what happens to the customers that have open orders? I mean seriously how do they get the pictures that they have special ordered? I loved their photography but I guess it is the way that the economy is going, at times while I worked for them it seems as though they never cared what the economy was doing they just kept opening stores and it is finally catching up with them I guess. Anyway, I have found that I am in love with a differnt studio I love Sears Portraits! They are awesome and considering I do not have the camera to take the pictures myself I will take E to Sears. They do a very good job.

Onto other updates and news, I am going to be joining the ranks of match maker... I would like to make it known that I am searching for a match made in Heaven for our friend Aaron he is 37 never married, has a good job, loves to spendtime with family, has great values and even if he is a little goofy he is still a great guy. He just has a hard time finding that right someone (he hates women that play games)

Ethan update: He is doing wonderfully and he is getting so big. He is trying to cut teeth but they have not come through yet he gets pretty grumpy and is drooling a lot but he generally has a smile on his face. We recently went to the stock show and he had a blast hanging out with the animals (pictures to follow) oh and he LOVES turkey legs! He is eating solid food 3 times a day breakfest lunch and dinner, he does very very well with it and he likes to eat. We started to give him the gerber puffs but he is not real fond of them yet. So all in all it is going very well. I cannot beleive that next staturday my little miracle boy will be 7 months old! OMG time is flyin

6 months

2010-01-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

Ethan is offically 6 months old! He is amazing in everyway possible! He is really trying to crawl and he is such a happy baby!. These are his official 6 month pictures! They are taken with his Grandpas fire helemt!!!!

1/2 a year old!

2009-12-23T07:50:00.001-08:00

I cannot believe how fast time is flying! Ethan is offically 6 months old TODAY, this time 6 months ago I was in labor and trying to have this baby! Now he is at home and he melts my heart everyday. The love that I have for that little boy

I will update with a few pictures when I get home ( i am at work today.) We have Ethans 6 month appointment this afternoon I am very excited to see how much he weighs and how much he has grown in the last couple of months. He is such a great little boy, he very rarely crys unless there is something wrong, and he is so vocal! he is always talking at the top of his lungs! He loves to jump in his rainforest jumper and he is learning to sit by himself.

His first christmas is in 2 days and I am so excited for him, Scott and I have both agreed that the lessons of christmas and the true meaning will be tought to him so that he understands that there is more to christmas then presents and material things. Christmas is about family and about the birth of Jesus. I will read to him and Cole about Christmas tomorrow before we open presents.

Well I will post some pictures tonight after his doctors appointment!
Love you all and Merry Christmas

2009-12-04T06:36:00.000-08:00

Baby its Cold outside! A perfect reason to dress you up in a snow suit and take pictures!!!!

Things are so awesome right now! We just celebrated our 7 year anniversary! Then 4 days later celebrated my 26th birthday all the while all I wanted to do was hang out with this little boy! He is getting so big, and I am pretty sure he knows how to roll over but as his mother I am not privaleged enough to see it as he only does it in his crib at night when Scott and I are sleeping!

Baby Ethan Sleeping at 5 days old

Baby Ethan Sleping at 5 months old!

Although I love the fact that he is growing and he is healthy, I am hating the fact that he is growing up, it is happening so fast!

I realized just the other night while giving him a bath how big he is really getting

Sitting by himself in the bathtub... I think it is time to graduate to a big boy tub!

Well I better get some work done! Talk to you all soon!!

1st Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

How do I even express the joy that I have in my heart for the newest addition to our Family this thanksgiving. Ethan is doing so great he is such an amazing little boy, I will have to post new pictures this weekend he is getting so big and he is so active. This year I am thankful for modern medicine and the miracle of life.

Mommy Moments

2009-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

I just have to tell you all that I love my mommy moments with baby Ethan! Everynight we get to cuddle and rock as I rock him to sleep! He is such a little cuddler! I love these little moments that i share with him and him alone! He is such an amazing little boy!

SHHHHH

2009-11-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Ethan has definatley taken after Scott because he is ALWAYS talkin (ya know cooing etc). It is so funny because if you talk to him he tries to answer you and it is a fun little dialog of

Mommy " Ethan how was your day"
Ethan : "OOOHHH AAAH COOO COOOO"
Mommy "I love You"
Ethan "AHH AHH AHH"

It is the greatest thing in the world, although at 2 in the morning when you want to get some sleep it is not so cute but I have to say you cant get mad at him... He just makes your heart melt.

Tonight we are truely starting solids! We will be having a normal feeding schedule of an actual breakfest and dinner with the family... Hopefully this goes well. He has had rice cereal before he does not like it all that much. who knows maybe it will help him sleep better at night, for about 2 weeks he was sleeping through the night, but now i think that he gets hungry because he wakes up just to eat about 3-4 oz of formula then back to sleep (unless your dad then he likes to stay up and play because daddy turns all the lights on in the house) I am quite curious to see if that is the reason he is waking up.

We are in the process of "remodeling" well just getting new furniture and what not, so we will see how this venture goes this is what we are doing (everything I own in hand me down and I am ready for some of my own stuff that I pick out) I know it sounds selfish but ya know I figure if we save a little out of every check we should be able to get this stuff pretty easily.
New TV stand/Entertainment Center
New Couch
New Bedroom Set including bedding, and dressers
New Dishes (christmas present maybe)
New pots and pans (christmas present maybe)
That is my wish list for now. I am sure that I will add things as I move along in my qwest of trying to get nicer things.

For the longest time I have not minded having hand me down things, but I guess I am getting to a point in my life where I want something to be proud of, I dont want to feel so out of sorts anymore. I want people to see me as a good parent with a happy and healthy home. I want to be proud of everything...

4 month stats

2009-11-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took Ethan to the doc for his 4 month well exam we were a little behind schedule because at his orginal well exam he was sick with H1N1 so they did not give him shots or anything,

he is:
12lbs 12 oz
24 inches long!

Super healthy. He got 2 shots He cried until he turned purple it was very very heart breaking! Although I know that he will be better protected in he long run.

Long needed update

2009-11-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

Well everything seems to be going as it should be... I have the worlds greatest job! I love it! I am finally in a place where I am doing something besides retail! Anyway, Scott is doing great at work and he has become very used to having 4 days off every week, in fact I think that it will be very hard for him to go back to work full time in January. We just moved into a new apartment we a few months ago, and I have learned quickly that it just is not big enough. All though we will survive, We are finally going to be able to start saving money so that we can purchase some nice things, So far the list includes, new couch, entertainment center, new crib, new bedroom set (the whole thing bed dressers etc) well thats it... ANY WAY... that is exciting for us and I will be able to maybe arrange the apartment so that it doesnt look so crowded, I am also going to start getting all matching frames so that I can hang the family pictures above the tv when the time comes. Anyway...

ETHAN UPDATE

Ethan is going today at 4pm to get his 4 month shots, when we went to the doc about a week ago he was 12.7pounds! and 21.5 inches long. My little man is getting so big. He is gaining such a personality and he has his likes and dislikes... For example he loves playing on the cloor but he prefers to be in the bouncy, and he loves peaches but hates peas... The cutest thing is he already has a woobie (a special blanket) it is his blue fuzzy camo blanket that he has had since he was born... He will not sleep without it. It is so adorable.

Ethan was a sweet pea for halloween and he even had his first sucker (curtosey of Grandma) it was mango flavored and he loved it! It was pretty cute, but he will not be getting any more sugar until his first birthday and he has his cake.

On Monday and Tuesday Ethan gets to hang out with my bosses wife Denise, he loves her so much he smiles when he sees her! Baby Ethan, is smililing and he laughs all the time. Most of the time he is in a great mood! It is unbelievable how much my heart melts when he smiles at me. My favorite part of day is when we get ready for bed, he gets his binkie, and his camo blanket and we rock in the rocking chair until he falls asleep, I look so forward to that time that I cannot wait to get home to be with him.

Well enough for now... I will write again later and I will update with some pictures

A day on a Friends Ranch,

2009-09-20T06:45:00.003-07:00

Well, yesterday we were invited to spend the day at a friends ranch, most of the day we sat visiting on the front porch as Frank and Annetts grandkids Jeffry and Kaily played and adventured! Frank, knowing my passion for horses had his son, Billy- walk at least a mile to catch a horse for me! Well he got back about an hour later. We finally saw the top of Billy's hat comming up from the pasture.

Lad was the horses name and he is a bog thoroughbred gelding, sweet as can be! I could resist I had to ride (even if it was only a circle around the yard and then I was done not because I wanted to be but I was the only one riding and it was a little awkward.) Anyway, take a look at these at enjoy watching Ethan interact with his first horse!

Then I decided to let Ethan sit on his first Horse The smile is so stinkin cute!

Hope you enjoy!

A doy on a Friends Ranch,

2009-09-20T06:45:00.001-07:00

3 MONTHS ALREADY??

2009-09-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today as I sit at work I really wonder where the last 3 months went, things have been so crazy and hectic all though I would not change it for the world. Ethan is amazing in everyway and is pushing 12 pounds! He is becomming such a big boy! What a miracle he is. Everyday I am amazed at what he is becomming! I will be posting pictures soon be sure to check back with me

Devotion 1

2009-08-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

I have found an amazing way for me to be committed to my devotions to the lord, I will post the daily devotion everyday for you all to read and do with me, if you dont want to then thats okay. Anyway here goes...
August 14, 2009 Be a Joy-Giver Part 2

Today's Truth Philippians 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (NIV).
Friend To Friend I once heard a story that offers a great prescription for joy. A young believer came to a man who had followed Christ for many years with this complaint. “I have lost my joy!” the young man said. The older, wiser Christian responded, “Go out and do something for someone else. Then repeat that act of kindness nine times. Then you will find joy!”
When we develop the habit of looking for a need and then meeting it, we will experience joy as never before. Many times, instead of looking for a need, we look the other way.
Once upon a time There were four men named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done And Everybody was asked to do it. But Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it. But Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about it Because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it And Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody And Nobody did the job That Anybody could have done in the first place. (Author unknown)
It is a paradox in the Christian life that the more we give, the more we receive. In Luke 6:38, we find an amazing promise, "If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving--large or small--it will be used to measure what is given back to you." If you want joy, learn to invest your life in others. Be on the lookout for a need and meet it. God created us to share each other's load because a shared load is a lighter load.
F.B. Meyer once noted: "I used to think, that God’s gifts were on shelves-one above another and the taller we grow, the easier we can reach them. Now I find that God’s gifts are on shelves, one beneath another and the lower we stoop, the more we get." The apostle Paul says it this way in 2 Corinthians 9:10, "For God is the one who gives seed to the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will give you many opportunities to do good, and he will produce a great harvest of generosity in you."
· Give materially.
· Give your time.
· Give encouragement.
· Give a praying heart.
· Give a listening ear.
· Give yourself.
The more you give the more joy you will experience. The more joy you have, the more you will want to give - but you cannot out-give God. He rewards "joy-givers."
Philippians 4:17 "Really, it is not that I want to receive gifts from you. But I want you to have the good that comes from giving. Your gift is like a sweet-smelling sacrifice offered to God. God accepts that sacrifice, and it pleases him." The idea of a sweet-smelling sacrifice is taken from the sweet-smelling incense that was burned along with the Jewish sacrifices. When we meet a need in the life of someone, it is a pleasing aroma to God and a sacrifice of praise to Him. In fact, when we meet someone's need, we are actually giving through that need to God Himself. In other words, that met need becomes a deposit slip in our kingdom account. Joy-givers please God and the perspective and heart behind the giving matters.
Three men were hired to work on a large building project. One was asked, "What are you doing?" He responded, "I'm mixing mortar. The second man said, "I'm helping put up this great stone wall." When the third man was asked, he replied, "I'm building a cathedral to the glory of God." Perspective is a powerful thing.
In Philippians 4:19, Paul goes on to say that when we meet the needs of others, God will meet our needs. "My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need." When we give out of our limited resources, God gives out of His unlimited resources. What a solid foundation for a life of joy! We simply cannot out-give God.
I recently read the testimony of a man as he shared this story: “I got off at the Pennsylvania depot as a tramp and for a year, I begged on the streets for a living. One day, I touched a man on the shoulder and said, "Hey mister, can you give me a dime?” As soon as I saw the man's face, I was shocked to realize that it was my own father. “Father, do you know me?” I cried. Throwing his arms around me, tears streaming down his face, he said, “Oh my son! I finally found you! You ask for a dime? Everything I have is yours.” Think of it. I was a tramp who stood begging my own father for ten cents when, for 18 years, he had been looking for me to give me all that he had.
God stands today, arms open wide, ready to pour out His unspeakable gift of joy into our lives so that we can have joy; so that we can share that joy with others. Our gift back to Him is to be a joy-giver.
Let's Pray Father, please forgive me when I am so focused on what I can get that I ignore what I can give. Help me to see others as You see them, to love others as You love them and to give like You give. May I be a vessel through which Your joy flows into the people around me.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Read 2 Corinthians 9:8.
What does this verse promise to those who give generously?
Would others describe you as a generous giver? Why? Why not?
What do you think the link is between giving and joy?
What change(s) do you need to make in your life in the area of giving?

Life with Baby Ethan

2009-08-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

How do I describe the complete joy that fills my heart everytime that he stares into my eyes gives me that gummy little smile. No matter how tired I am I love taking care of him. He is so amazing in everyway.

Ethan changes everyday, something new happens. He is gaining his own little personality, for example, he loves to lay on his belly on your chest, he only likes 2 of the binkis that we have in the house, he hates being in his car seat unless we are actually moving. He loves it when you help him strech his legs, after a bath he prefers to stay in a diaper and be wrapped up in his big blue camo blanket. It is so amazing!

Ethan has been having some fevers and has been really congested so on monday I called the doctor and talked to him about the babies fever and congestion and he told me to take him to the emergency room my first mistake was not going to childrens hospital, I went to Littleton Adventist which for adults and older children it is a great hospital but for little tiny babies I would not recommend it. Anyway first we sat in the waiting room for about 45 minutes, then we were taken into a trauma room (all the other rooms were full) where they took his vital signs, there biggest concern was the fact that his respirations were elevated he should have been about 30 and he was between 45 and 50, so they ordered a chest x-ray. Chest x-ray came bake just fine. The doc then ordered blood work, the nurse came in to take blood and start an IV and they could not find a vein strong enough in his little arms and hands, the crazy nurse said "lets try his head" I said Absouletly not! So they ended up just pricking his heel to get the blood which which was much less tramatic. The also tested for influenza (H1N1) and RSV which both came back negative, then the drama begain Doc comes in and says they dont know what is wrong (I am teling them it is a head cold) and they want to do a spinal tap. Are you freaking serious! so for about an hour I argued and cried about this, i was feeling like a horrible parent because I did not want the test done because of the pain involved, and also i felt it was very unneccessary, the doctor at the hospital made me feel so horrible about questioning them, well eventually I finally said fine do the stupid test! they came in and did the test and then I held him and he calmed down immediatley.. Guess what the test was NEGATIVE! At that point they wanted to admit him for observation and I refused I did not give in on that and I brought the baby home and besides being extremely congestion he is doing great. I was very tramatized and he was totally fine. If I have to take him to the ER again I will drive to childrens no matter what, he will not go to a regular hospital.

Well that is about all that has been going on besides the normal everyday stuff of living life, oh yeah we just moved but that is another post.

Just a couple of pictures

2009-07-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

He is the greatest baby in the world, he is such a joy.

Another day in Paradise! ( I am being honest)

2009-07-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

Ethan is 3 weeks ols today, I cannot believe how fast time is flying, I wish that he would just stay little forever but then I think that I would never get any sleep. He is doing very well, has a little cold but is getting over it very quickly. I am in awe of how much he has grown. I think about the fact that July 13 was his true due date and to to think that he could still be in my belly is just a little weird, I can not imagine being pregnant still. I am feeling much better from the c-section I still get pretty tired in the evenings and that is when I really start to hurt. I will survive.

Onto other things, I am flying to El Paso on the 20th just for the day, to go to my biological fathers memorial services at Fort Bliss, I will be flying 1400 miles in 12 hours. I have to leave my little guy at home with my mom I am not looking forward to having to leave him, but I will manage somehow. In some ways I wonder if I should go to the services, because of the relationship that he and I had, but then if I dont go I would regret it for the rest of my life. I also am having a hard time believing that he is really gone, I feel that he will just call me up here in about a year or so and everything will be okay again, but that will not happen. :(

Scott and I are moving at the end of July into yet another stupid apartment! I am devastated that we are going into another apartment, but I am greatful that it will save us a little money and get us just a little more room, ecspecailly for baby Ethan. Of coarse I have to sacrifice my washer and dryer, it almost brings me to tears thinking about it, I love being able to wash my clothes in the comfort of my own home. The new aprtment has the front loading high end washers and dryers so it will not be horrible just inconvient. We also lose out on a balcony and we are on the garden level so I am hoping that it will not be to depressing being that I wont be able to get much light, I feel bad for Fenix because he really loves to look outside, I will just have to make a point to get him to the park EVERYDAY! The winter will be rough because I will not want to drag baby out in the cold but I gotta do what I gotta do. The apartments are brand new-well they have been remodeled and I am talking down to the studs remolded, new kitchens, new bathroom new everything. So it will be okay I hope...

Well I guess that is all for now, I will post pictures of baby Ethan soon, I am trying to talk Scott into family pictures soon. Probably next week when we get to have Cole for a couple of days.

God Bless everyone

Rest in Peace

2009-07-07T16:11:00.000-07:00

As of today 7/7/2009 I have offically lost my biological dad. He passed away this afternoon at 3:30. I truely believe that he was waiting to meet his Grandson Ethan, as he just saw a picture of him this morning, I sent it to him via e-mail and my step mom printed it and gave it to him and he held it in his hands and smiled at it through the day and did not let go of the picture until his muscles relaxed after he passed away... Please Please pray for our family...

Need Understanding

2009-07-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me, you know that I have always struggled with the relationship between my biological father and myself. He has not been there for me and I seriously have only seen him 3 times in over 20 years... My mom divorced him when I was 5. Well anyway, he is in Hospice care and will not live through the week... I do not understand why I am hurting over this but I am... Please pray for us...

Ethan is here

2009-07-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well , I know I havent posted in a while but I wanted to let everyone know that Baby Ethan is here!!!! He was born by c-section on June 23, 2009. He spent 2 days in the NICU because of wet lungs but he is doing great now.

We have been having a great time getting to know our little bundle of joy. Thank you everyone who prayed for our little Miracle...

Please Pray

2009-06-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Dont worry the baby is fine, what is not fine is Scott and I. Please pray for us. i am not sure if we will get through this...

8 more days

2009-06-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

I am being in duced on the 22nd!! 8 days from today! OMG I am so excited! Oh yeah and nervous as hell. That means that in 8 days I will be going into labor and having a baby! Okay so I am pretty scared to be honest. I know that we are in good hands-even though i had to change doctors last week. Long story short, Dr. Watson's office, stopped taking my insurance as of June 1, 2009 well I had to find a new doctor which we did- Dr. Bury, he works out of swedish hospital so we will be going to a differnt hospital (that makes me scared) anyway Scott and I got a good feeling from the dr Bury so I am confident that he will bringbaby Ethan into the world just fine.
As far as everything else, i am starting to worry about bills and making ends meet, we were counting on me having at least one more paycheck before the baby, so I am not really sure how we will pay our bills (mainly rent) ecspecially because we are on such a tight budget.. I just dont see where the money will come from, Scott and I have been looking for anothe place to call home, someplace cheaper but all the places that we are finding do not have washer dryer hook-ups and I refuse to go to the laundry mat with a newborn, it would be so expensive because the baby will go through a lot of clothes and blankets and what not.. So we will see how this plays out.
As far as being ready for baby, I think that we have all the basic essentials for baby, crib, bassinet changing tables, swing, bouncy seat, bottles, diapers, wipes clothes, blankets, as well as a bunch of other stuff! Well I promise I will post pictures and updates as often as possible!

Reality is Hitting HARD

2009-05-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying I am greatful that I am able to have this baby! Please dont think bad of me for saying that I wish I did not have to go through labor. I am TERRIFIED!

We had a trip to labor and delivery last night (as gross as it is) I lost my mucus plug last night and freaked out and ran to labor and delivery! How embarrassing, now Doc Watson just happen to be there, and orginally he wanted to keep me overnight but for some reason, I started to panic, now I am not talking just whinnning and complaining panic, i am talking full on hyper-venalating, heart rate raising extremely high panic! He ended up letting me go home because he did not want me to stress so much.
Well it didnt hit me until this afternoon, I will be staying in the hospital for a few days when the baby comes. I will be having an IV (i am terrified of needles), I might be getting an epidural, if that happens I will be having a catheter.. not to mention having to push out a baby from a small little opening between my legs.
I have not really figured out why i am so scared but i am very nervous. I just want things to go well. Please pray for us!

4:35 in the Morning!

2009-05-24T03:35:00.000-07:00

Well I have to say that this pregnancy, is causing me to have some major sleep problems! I cant sleep, and when I do sleep if I get woke up its all over and I am awake for the day, well until my body finally takes over and I fall back asleep! I hate the fact that I am not sleeping, it is completely wearing on my body. I find that I am grumpier then ever!

My baby shower is in a few hours and I am so excited! Actually it is today at 2 pm so I have a while but it is actually happening! I am so excited

I cant believe it

2009-05-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

WOW!!! I cannot believe that we are about 8 weeks from having our little man... I am 30 weeks preggers today! HOLY COW! That just seems crazy. I am so excited dont get me wrong, but I have to admit I am getting scared.

Well the Nursery is complete well minus a few big items, the changing table- Dad is repainting it white for me-the swing, and most important BABY. Unfortunetely we have decided that it will be better for us to stay in the one bedroom until Scott can get onto a police department (Hopefully Fort Lupton) with that being said we are a little crampped we have no dinnig room that area is now the nursery. The crib looks really cute where it is, and it will look better when we get the changing table and hopefully we will be able to survive. Until we get something bigger, we are hoping and praying that our next move we make will be into a house of our own or at least one step closer.

THE BIRTH PLAN
Well that is a big question what to do... Natural or drugs? What Would You Do, we are trying for a natural child birth, I say we but I mean me. I a not sure how supportive my family will be but I guess it is a mission that I may have to accomplish on my own.

Time for another Baby Update

2009-04-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Monday e went for our 28 week ultrasound, Baby looked great! He weighs about 2.5 pounds and the doc said he is totally healthy! I am so happy and excited about that. As for me well I failed the 1 hour gluclose test and have to take the 3 hour test tomorrow, lets hope and pray that I will pass that. I cannot even imagine having to take insulin shots and lovenox shots everyday... Well anyway everything is going great baby shower is in 6 weeks and baby will be here in 9 weeks!!!

26 weeks

2009-04-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

I cant believe that I have made it this far! I am 26 weeks with a healthy baby! I am so stinkin excited. So is Scott... I have to say that I am getting more and more tired everyday, but in a strange way I am okay with it. I welcome any movement of the baby, even though at times he feels like a kick boxer on steriods... I love the reassurance that he is ok... I am going to be preparing to send out my Baby Shower Invites here pretty soon, even though my mom spelled my name wrong on them I am excited that they will be going out soon. Scott and I are pretty lucky that my mom and sis are throwing us a shower, I know that we will recieve items that we would not be able to buy because of this crappy economy...
I am registering at Babies R Us and at Target just so that people have choices... All though i am sure most everyone will be going to Target... Well anyway onto other news

We had Cole over his spring break and we had a blast! We did not do to much because it was snowing but hey we still hung out with the little man... I just realized that I cant really call him that anymore because he is almost as tall as me, and he wont be the "little" one for much longer..

Well because I really have nothing else to say I shall sign off for now.

Update on Premie Baby

2009-03-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

Just so everyone know the baby that I told you all about has been taken off of his breathing machine and is breathing on his OWN! He is eating about 2 cc every 6 hours and seems to be fighting this hard fight very well. Keep praying!!!!!

PRAYERS NEEDED ASAP

2009-03-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Everything with me and Ethan are great, but I have a friend who had her baby this morning she was only 24 weeks preg.... The doctors are giving the little guy a 70 % chance everyday his odds will go up! Pray for her she had a tough pregnancy!

Mothers name is Christina
Baby name Christian

Father,
Please please watch over Christian and give him the strength he needs to fight for his little precious life. give his parents the faith that they will need to get through this extemely hard time! You are the almighty God and we lift this precious family to you! In your name we pray AMEN

Time for a real update

2009-03-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while since I have actually posted something worth reading on here... Not that much of what I say means anything to anyone but hey good reading sometimes I guess...

Sunday night I was in the ER I could have swore the baby was comming but nope just passing a kidney stone! Which SUCKED it was so painful. All is well now and I am recovering.

Tomorrow is my 23 week Ultra sound which is awesome because I get to see the little guy! I am sure he is geting so big now. My parents will be with us at our 27 week Ultra sound I am excited aout that dad has never seen a real ultra sound (even though he delivered 11 babies as a firefighter emt.) The baby has been moving quiet a bit I feel him alot which is awesome for me because it reassures me that everything is ok.

Thursday I start my new job at Portrait Innovations, I had to go pants and shrt shopping and I feel like a beached whale but I guess that is how I am supposed to feel at this point in my pregnancy. I am very very excited to be starting work, it has been a love hate relationship of staying home all the time! I love the fact I can sleep in, but I hate not having anything productive to do. So I am very happy to be going back to work and I am very happy that it is doing things that I love photography! I will be updating my website soon be sure to check it out. All right well I suppose i will sign off now hope you all are doing well.

The Nursery is complete

2009-03-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Well we finally got our crib! So we set everything up just to see what it would look like and I LOVE IT! I hate that I have to take it all down and put everything in storage still being in a one bedroom sucks but hopefully we will be able to get in a 2 bedroom soon. Anyway thats it for now. Here are some pictures... (the bear is posing as Baby Ethan HEHE)

2009-03-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

i have not been on here in a while, sometimes I just dont know what to write. I figured I should at least update everyone on the baby, He is doing great and I am now able to feel him move it is an amazing feeling to know that he is moving around in there... Anyway I have started buying some baby stiff, mainly clothes as we dont really have the money to buy the big stuff. I am not really sure how we will get the big stuff that we need, ecspecially with me being laid off again. :( Really we only need a crib we will be able to get everything else, but the crib I just dont know... We will figure it out eventually.
Anyway, everything else is good we are happy and healthy and just livin the best life we can...

I am so excited

2009-02-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

My mom is the best in the world! She just bought us the babies crib bedding set! I am so excited mom i love you so much! I should have it in the next week! OMG this is really happening he is really comming this time!

20 weeks ultrasound pictures!

2009-02-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Okay well we had the Big Ultrasound and it was AWESOME. Little Ethan was moving and kicking like crazy! He has gotten SO bog. I cannot believe that I am half way done being preg.

Birthdays and Such

2009-02-15T17:04:00.000-08:00

Cole is officially a TWEEN a preteen boy! It is crazy, I cannot believe that I first meet that little boy when he was 5 years old! My how he has changed. He has changed so much since this picture that was taken Aug. 08.

Scott and I took friday off work and were able to spend the day with Cole, We went to Ocean journey in Down Town Denver, We had a blast we were actually able to feed stingrays! It was an amazing experience.

Why oh Why

2009-02-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

Why oh Why must I be this stinkin tired! I have had a really busy week and the last few days I have been battling a severe kidney infection, which hurts beyond belief! I am tired and cranky and can't sleep at night. Baby likes to sit really deep in my uterus so my back is constantly hurting. Although I guess I am just happy that I am happy that I have all of the pain and being uncomfortable. It makes me know that Ethan is ok.
Onto other things-
Cleaning and organizing, it is crazy how fanatic I am being about getting this house clean, it seems like it is never ending. i seem to clean one day and the next day and it is dirty again. Laundry that is my worst enemy I HATE laundry, I really dont mind doing the laundry it is the tideous folding and putting away. I would rather just leave it in the hamper, but I cant do that I have to fold it and put it away. UGH
Although this week I was able to get a new shelve for y laundry room and now i can actually use the laundry room for more then just a laundry, I can store my vaccuum (which by the way makes me really happy) For the last 2 years that we have lived here I have not had a place for the dirty ol vaccuum, until tonight when I reorganized by laundry room. YEAH! I also got an over the toliet shelve thingy that I will put together tomarrow it is pretty cool, I will have a little bit more storage in that tiny bathroom. OH and I got a Scrubbing Bbbles Automatic Shower Cleaner that thing is cool! So anyway that is that.

I have to say that I am very very happy that our friends Will and Jess are finally home-Will was deployed to Afghanastan, while he was gone Jess lived with her parents in Nebraska. Anyway they are home and live less then 5 minutes from us, I am so happy they are here, they are by far our best friends, they are such amazing people, would be willing to give the shirts off their backs. We have asked Will and Jess to be Ethans God Parnets and they said that they would be honored. They are pretty excited for the little guy to get here. They will be a big part of the little mans life. In fact they may go to Iowa with us when we take Ethan to meet his grandpa for the first time! I would love it if they could go with us we will see.

Just more pictures

2009-01-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

So we had our 16 week ultra sound and baby looks great see for yourself

Worries

2009-01-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

Its official I am 16 weeks and 1 day, my baby boy is growing and amazingly active from what I can tell. Pregnancy for me has never been this great, I have in the past miscarried by this point or found out that something was terriably wrong. I am so scared, that what if I get to full term and something happens to my wonderful son, I cant seem to understand what happens when babies die for no reason. I find myself withdrawing from the baby at times, not wanting to think that it is real. It is just so hard to have faith that he will be okay after everything that we have been through. I know that by now if somethings was going to be wrong with him we would have seen it ( I hope) we have done all the testing and everything looks great, why am I feeling this way... I just feel like no one can understand where I am comming from, what my fears and doubts are... I just feel so lost.

Latest U/S Picture

2009-01-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

Okay so here is the latest U/S picture it is 2d but we get our 3d session next week. :)

My Story (long)

2009-01-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

Okay so it has been requested that I tell my story, a story that has been going on for the last 6 years, and is still going on....

Okay here is a little background, I am 25 years old and I have been married for 6 years. I spent 7 years in the military thats where the story begins.

When I joined the military I met the man that I married, Scott, we have had a pretty good marriage but we have also had our problems. Scott and I decided pretty early in our marriage that we wanted to have children, so we just firgured that we would not protect againist preganancy but not actual try... Well guess what it worked in April of 2003 I got preg. but due to an upcomming military deployment, I had been vaccinated for everything under the sun, Anthrax, Small Pox, Rabies,mmr, and a whole bunch of other stuff. We had no idea that there was a baby trying to develop inside me. 1 week before our deployment test I had a positive preg test! Well needless to say, I was taken off the deployment roster but Scott he still had to go... He deployed on May 15, I miscarried on May 17th, (somewhat expected because of the vaccinations) Okay so Scott was deployed until Aug 28th of 03 he got to come home early because his mom was so terribibly sick, and we were not sure she would survive, so the Army allowed him to come home! THANK GOD!!!! Okay well Scott and I went on BC for a little while because of the vaccinations. We went off bc in April of 2004 low and behold we got preg pretty quick. I had a positive pregnancy test in August of 2004, after my first OB appointment we discovered that we were being blessed with twins, We were so HAPPY Twins OMG! Everything was progressing pretty well we found out we were having a girl and a boy, Madyson LaBelle and Wyatt Kingsley, we started planning and preparing and telling our family! We were so excited, one day Scott and I were in Iowa fishing on Lake Odessa when I felt like something was wrong really really wrong, well that was October 15, 2004 I went to the er to find that there were no heartbeats the babies had passed away. We were devestated! Scott and I figured that having children was not in cards for us. We moved back to Colorado in January of 2005, we had another positive test in 2005 but miscarried again with a couple of days of the positive test.

We had some "pregnancy scares" through out the next couple of years but nothing great nothing to write home about... Until August of 2007 I got pregneant and everything was going amazingly, we had great u/s sounds. During my 12 week u/s the doctor started thinking that something was wrong with the babies heart, after some more extensive testing we discovered that our little daughter would have a severe heart defect, she would most likely need open heart surgery a few days after she was born, if the problem didnt correct it self in the womb. We were upset but grateful that we would have this little darling that choice us as her parents and family. On November 22nd, our precious little girl passed away while still in my womb, she was delivered but I never got to see her... Scott was not able to be with me either... It was by far the worst day of my life. The doctors have always said that the miscarriages were most likely due to the vaccinations that I received while in the army.

Scott and I again decided that we were done trying to have children and that we were going to be happy with the way things were, just the 2 of us.

Scott and I had been trying not to get preg. when sure enough I got preg! I found out I was preg the first part of November, Although I was hesitant to tell anyone I kept the secret between Scott and I well for a few days, I went to the Doctor, and had an ultrasound done at 5 weeks 3 days, a little black circle was all we saw. Well we decided that we would need the support of our family, so we told the family that week. I went in for weekly ultrasounds, and sure enough a couple weeks later we saw a super strong heartbeat! 113 beats a minute, then the next ultra sound jumped to 176 heart beats a minute!
Oksy, so I have finally found a doctor that knows what he is doing, he tested me for everything under the son, during the 1st trimester it was discovered that I had a low progestrone level, I got put on Prometruim once a day, the pills from hell! They made me so terribly sick! I would not have changed it for anything! Okay so when I was 12 weeks I was able to come off of the Prometruim, the doctor then decided that it would be good to test me for any blood clotting disorders, well guess what sure enough I have MTHFR -Homogenous- which means that I have not one but two mutated genes that cause my blood to clot unnessasarily. I am now taking 30 ml of Lovenox once a day, This is an injection in the stomach. I take extra folic acid and baby asprin everyday to help my blood from clotting. We also discovered that I am Rh Negative- i have recieved 1 Rhogham shot thus far. I am now 15 weeks 5 days! We are having a boy!

I guess one of the reasons, that Tersea wanted me to share my story, is because I have been where some of you are.... I may not have had to go through fertility treatments, but I have had the heartbreak and devesation that comes with trying to have a family. There were days that I would get AF and I would cry my eyes out because the chance of having a baby were gone for that month. It seemed like people around me were having babies, I was angry and didnt understand why someone like me, someone who has devoted herself to the country and to God, could get preg. only to be devestated when our babies were taken from us! I began to doubt god and question why, there are still days that go by I wonder why. I am sure of one thing, without my family I would not have gotten through any of this. Everyday I say a little prayer for my little baby growing inside me, I say a prayer for all of the couples out there trying to concieve, I pray that you will all have the strength to get through the rollar coaster and know that when you finally get to hold your little baby in your arms it will be priceless....

I hope that in some ways my story can give you hope, and the will to keep going, if I can ever help just let me know and I will be there.....

The best part of everything

2009-01-20T06:58:00.000-08:00

This will be really quick and easy post but I have to tell you all!!!

During our Ultra sound monday afternoon, (they wanted to check everything cause of the accident) The u/s tech and I were talking and I made the comment we will know in a few weeks what we are having and she said " Well I already know" Then she made us wait 5 min before she would tell us what it was....

ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!

Our little boy is super healthy and looks just perfect!

Weekend from H.E. double Hockey Stick (HELL)

2009-01-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

okay so the weekend started out really well, I mean considering the fact that my wonderful dad has retired after 45 years with the Fort Lupton Fire Department, The Fire Department had a retirement party for him friday afternoon. It was amazing to see how many people loved him enough to take time out of there schedules to come to his retirement party that was in the middle of the day. The fire Department has been such a big part of his life for the last 45 years that it was pretty emotional, I know that I cried when dad was talking about the department.

Okay so that was Friday,

Saturday, I wake up just a normal day, wrong---- No not really, a little back information, seems that dad has retired, they need a second vehicle so over the last couple of weeks I have been researching dealeships and vehicles that may work for dad, so Saturday mom and dad decide to come down to littleton and get a new-used car so first off the line Burt Chevy, the sales man Chris, he was pretty good, but he was pretty pushy at times ecspecially on this 1994 Mercedes OMG let me tell you that car was gorgeous!!! It was in mint condition to bad it had 93k miles on it! Okay so next dad started looking at a 2005 Kia Rio

Dad liked it and it only had 42K. Sticker price 8562.00 Okay so they were hoping to get something under 7K, So we went on a test drive, All of us piled in the little 4 cyl car and off we went... So car rode pretty nice everything worked it did okay on the highway. So we get back to the dealership, and my parents offer the dealership 6500 cash out the door. Well the dealership counter offered with 9688 a thousand over sticker price, at that point we decided to leave... it was now 4 in the afternoon.. SO we trek across the street to Enter-Prise Car Sales, so I had called enterprise saturday morning and talked to Eric who specifically went and got this car for my parents to look at... A 2007 Ford Taurus- well needless to say buy 5:30 we were on our way home and mom and dad had a new car!

Okay so Sunday this is where things get Stupid!!!

Went to work had a pretty good day, When I got off work I decided I needed to go and get some cat and dog food from petco. So I drive and drive and I get there and I am turning into the parking lot and some teenager on his cell phone smacks into me and then I hit a pole REALLY HARD!!! I smacked my face on the steering wheel and I had my seatbelt on and of coarse it tighted up on me and I have some wonderful bruises from that. In the first couple seconds I didnt panic but after the initial shock wore off I burst into hysterics while talking to the police dispatcher- Oh yeah forgot to mention that the teenager backed up and ran away like a little coward! Anyway I call mom and dad and dad heads towards littleton to help me, meanwhile police, paramedics and fire rescue get there and rush me to the hospital.. dont worry beside some bruising baby is safe and sound! The truck on the other hand not so great! Anyway it was a horrible day and my truck is still broken and we dont have the money to get it fixed and well insurance wont cover it! Anyway that was the weekend, good thing I got to have an ultra sound and I saw my little beand moving around...

okay here it is BABY NAME POLL

2009-01-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

PLEASE LET US KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK

BOY- Ethan Garrett
Bryson Scott
Warren Kingsley

GIRL- Hannah Grace
AnnaBelle Faith
BellaJean

Depressed

2009-01-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

Well, on the positive side everything is great with the baby! Everything else just seemed screwed up. What really sucks is I cant talk to Scottie about it because he will just think that I am not being considerate of his feelings, which isnt the case at all. Its just that I have concerns and problems just as much as he does. I know that he is a little bit more stressed yes, but it makes me feel horrible when he complains about having to work extra, and he gets mad at me for being on bedrest. I am now back to work, and he says to me today " I have a gut feeling that something is not right" not right about what? He cant tell me.. So I dont even know what to do to fix it. He is so depressed and there is nothing I can do to fix it.. Needless to say I am extremely depressed and to tell you guys the honest truth I am not even that excited for baby right now... :( I know that will change, but right now it just seems hopeless....

Reason behind the name

2009-01-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

So alot of people have been asking me about my name HeatnTequilla, there is a story behind this and I will explain.

Being that my first name is Heather thats where the Heat partially comes from. Over the summer I worked as a wrangler for a Dude Ranch here in Colorado, I trainied the horses and I took guests out on trail rides. Okay so this pictures is of a Horse named Hollywood, He is huge, well during a trail ride we had but a young lady who was about 10 yrs old on him for the ride. Well about a quarter through the ride he started getting really antsy, so I decided that I would ride him. Well I got the little girl on my horse and I was getting on Hollywood and he started bucking and crow hopping and then he bolted! I totally fell off! When I got on the radio to tell the trail boss all I could manage to say was HEAT DOWN WRANGLER HEAT DOWN!!!

Anyway that became my nickname HEAT

Well Tequilla was my wrangler horse's name she was the best horse in the world outside of my little spansh mustang Sundance!

Tequilla

Okay so I think that this is the best picture ever!!! She was such an amazing horse and she loved me that was the great thing I get a little choked up thinking about her!

Here are a couple other pictures as well-PROMISE YOU WONT LAUGH i look like a goof ball

So hence the name Heat n Tequilla.

Good Night Y'ALL :)

Seriously What next

2008-12-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

Okay so for those of you who dont know, my doctors appointment yesterday wasnt that great! I have MTHFR which is a blod clotting disorder. I have to take daily injections of blood thinners to help keep my pregnancy going... I am just really nervous and scared. Keep us in your prayers!

2nd Trimester!!!!

2008-12-29T07:40:00.000-08:00

So it is official I am in my second trimester! I am so excited that I have finally made it this far. I think that this one will actually stick. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon and we will get to hear babies heartbeat and hopefully all will be good. :) It is amazing that after all Scott and I have been through he picks now to bless us with an amazing child! We have so much love to give this little baby!!!

So Frusterated

2008-12-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

I am so frusterated!! I am so done trying to be a working pregneant women, the pet store I work for has no idea how hard it is to stand on your feet all day 8 hours, Oh and then yeah in order to move up in the company I have to be willing to work 6 days a week from 9:15 am to 8:00 to 8:30 Pm every day, OH and it is a salaried so I will get NO overtime. How silly is that. Well anyway... thats all for now I am so frusterated I cant even think straight!!!

OMG 3D Ultrasound!!!!!!

2008-12-19T17:14:00.000-08:00

So I went to the doctors today to get some blood drawn and my doctor was training a new sonographer and they used me as a "test Dummy" This is what we saw!!!!

UGH

2008-12-19T07:24:00.000-08:00

okay, so I have decided that I am totally stressed out and terrified that something will go wrong with the baby. I cant concentrate on anything! I am terrified to do anything except sit on the couch and veg... I am terrified that we will lose the baby and then it will be a lost cause to ever try and have a baby, because what the point.. everyone says everything will be ok. I feel like everything is fine but I am still completely scared. July is so far away, and it just seems lik each day just goes by so slow. Well I guess i should stop complaining...

Doctors Appointment

2008-12-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

Well Scott and I had our doctor appointment on Monday everything went really well, the doctor did an u/s just to ease my fears, because some of my "symptoms" have been going away. He found the baby right away and the baby was moving around a lot! Strong heartbeat and everything, all though we couldnt hear the heartbeat on the "doppler" we saw it on the u/s. I go back in 2 weeks for another check-up and that will put me into my 2nd trimester! I am so very excited.

Other news my big sister Char is getting married again! Even though this is her 3rd wedding she is having a big well semi big wedding about 250 people will be there, including the baby she is getting married at the end of August first part of september. which is really exciting. I really want to be her mad of honor because even though i am having a baby I love my sister and would be hurt if she didnt choose me, I would love to throw her a bridial shower and bachlorette party, I wanna go dress shopping with her and see how gorgeous she will be.. it is up to her who she chooses but I would like to be the one.

Right now we are trying to figure out what we should do about the cat, Nitters, we love him to death and I have always said that I would not give up one of my animals to a shleter, but I can't find him a home and I can't keep him. I am trying to get him into the maxfund because I know that it is a NO KILL shelter, but they are limited on space. I am so lost and confused on what to do, but he poops out of the litter box everyday! I think now he just does it to do it, but being preg, that is not healthy for me or the baby, my parents cant take him, neither can my sister. I just dont know I just dont know.

Cole is doing really well according to Robin, his bio mom, he is really excited about being a big brother. Scott and I are trying to find ways to keep him included so after eery doctors appointment we call him and tell him how things went and reasure him that every is ok. He will be such a great big brother. I was talking to Robin, and she actually offered to bring Cole to the hospital after the baby is born so that he could see the baby, I was so surprised i did not know what to say.

Okay so here is my bitch session, Myspace is a place for people to keep incontact with friends right? Why is it that I will leave comment and messages for all my friends and no one ever responds back!!!! I write blog after blog and no one really cares about me, maybe I am overly emotional but I am sorry thats how I feel. I feel like I have no real friends besides the ones that Scott has, Pete-who is a cop in New Caste and his Girlfriend Yati. Will and Jess who I love dearly but they have been trying to move back to Colorado since Sept and I am not sure that will ever happen. Aaron, he doesnt come around anymore, and hi ignores ALL of mine and Scotts calls, he is only around when it suits him. So whats the point... I dont know i guess that it just drives me crazy. Well enough is enough. I will try and write again soon.

:)

The Geigers

2008-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Get your own Family Sticker Maker & MySpace Layouts.

A little Bit of time

2008-12-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

It is so hard to find the time to write during the week when I am at work, so I try to catch up on my days off. That would be today and tomorrow. Although I am looking for a new job because i can not stand the small business politics and demands. What really stinks is that I have no where I can advance to.. I will never be a manager, I will never be more then a front desk/bather! For me it is stupid to stay there. But I will for now untill the perfect job comes along. Anyway onto other things,

Baby update: Nothing new to report everything seems to be going well, I have been overaly emotional the last few days that is a good sign, or so I hear. I have been trying to think about just getting through each day instead of looking forward so much. July seems so far away, i think it will never get here. Even then I realize that we are almost through December and the January will be here. maybe then it wont seem so far away. So I have planned something for every month until the baby comes so that I can have something to look forward to each month! So in January we will plan a little Birthday Party for my mom, Feb is a super busy month, Cole will be having his 11th Birthday, Dad will be having a birthday we have our 3D Ultrasound we will find out if it is a boy or girl! In March Scott will be going to Honduras for 3-4 weeks for an executive protection job that will pay really well. April is My Sisters birthday, May we will be shopping for baby and BABY SHOWER TIME! June we will be moving either to a 2 bedroom apartment where we are or to another town depending on where Scott is in the process of getting his POST cert renewed. July baby will be here! So hopefully we will be able to get everything set up and have a great time until July! Well thats the plan anyway!
Well I guess thats it for now. I hope everything is going well with everyone and I have everyone in my prayers!

WHY OH WHY

2008-12-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

So here is what I dont understand about God! He lets crack whores and teen girls who are babies themselves they all have perfectly healthy happy pregencies just to leave their babies in truck stop bathrooms or dumpsters in the freezing cold! When perfectly healthy women, who are married and want children yeah they can't have them WHAT THE @$#&! It makes no sense. I dont understand. I know that so far my little bean is growing and healthy! I am complaining and expressing my feelings for the ones that struggle, the ones that look at me and hate me for that small minute because I am pregneant. I wish that I could make it so that they could get pregeant I have called in favors from above for those I know who want a baby and cant have one. Ok well enough complaining I just had to tell you all that I totally understand, i have felt the each side of the fertility world....

So onto other things Shyann my 11 year neice is trying to become a model that is her goal in life right now! Looking at the pictures I have posted she could surely do it! I just wish that we could find a way to build her confidence in a way that she could be more then just a gorgeous girl! She has all she needs in the looks part but the inside needs a little work. i just havent figured out how to make that happen.

My emotions have been running totally wild!! It seems that everyday things make me cry and then 2 sec later I am laughing! I guess this is all part of it. Oh well.....

As the world Turns.

2008-11-30T07:18:00.000-08:00

The world turns without us even knowing that it is really spinning. Have you ever felt like your life is traveling at such a high speed that you just want to say STOP! Let me catch my breath. Well yesterday I was able to say stop and I was able to catch my breath and I am greatful for the day that i was able to spend with my husband ceebrating our anniversary. We spent the morning eating breakfest together and then we went shopping for jeans for me! I bought 2 pairs and hopefully they will last me a little while. We came home I took a nap and went and got my hair done and we went to dinner came home and watched a movie together wrapped in a blanket on the couch! It was amazing. Well anyway thats what I have for now.